It has been rather busy over the holiday break. I just realized tonight while walking down the aisles of the grocery store that the break was almost over. Time passes so quickly. Although Big Dan hasn't been home much (except when it was time to rack up..lol), I have so enjoyed spending this time with Little Ann. We have done lots of shopping, visiting friends, and we've watched lots of movies together.
It currently looks like a tornado hit my bedroom. Last night we blew up an air mattress so Little Ann could sleep in my floor. Her daddy was home and she wanted to sleep near me. Pete wanted to know how long that was going to last, and I assured him only during what was left of Christmas break. I just laughed to myself when I saw him stumble over 3 American Girl dolls in a make shift bed right beside her and about 10 stuffed animals in my floor. It definitely didn't leave much room for walking. As frustrating as her messes are sometimes, I know one day I will look around and wish for something to clean up.
Speaking of Little Ann.....although this has nothing to do with anything, she just came in here and told me she wishes I would have named her "Alice". Don't know what that's all about.
I had a little reality check tonight. One of my best scrapbooking friends' daughter had a baby today , but not only that... Pete's mamaw had back surgery. I love babies. I guess maybe I could've had 6 or 7 and been happy, but I guess God knew what would be best for me. When I was pregnant with Little Ann, I often questioned myself. I wondered how I could possibly love my new daughter with as much love as I had for my son. Did I actually have enough to go around? Oh, I did. It's still hard to understand how a mother can have so much love in her heart...and it just never goes away, no matter how many "I hate you's" she hears.
After visiting with my friend and swaddling that precious newborn baby girl, we moved up to the next floor to visit Pete's mamaw. She will be 88 in March and is in the hospital for back surgery because she fell off a ladder. A ladder people. Why would you climb a ladder if you were 88? But nothing much gets this woman down. It's unbelievable how good she still looks and acts at her age. As I looked at her petite 95 pound body lying there, I wondered just how many more years of life she actually had in her. And just as my friend's new baby was entering into this world....I know it won't be very many more years before she will be leaving...because that's what we do. We are born into this world, and then we leave it.
So many things are swimming around in my head right now. I mean what if I am drawing closer to my time of leaving. Really, none of us have the assurance of tomorrow.
James 4:14 - Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away.
So what is my life? How will I spend my 2009? What will remain the same? What will I change? What will I do for God who brought me in to this world and can just as easily take me out? I know that despite conflicts in my marriage, unloving words spouted off to my children, bad decisions I continue to make, whatever it may be dragging me down... that ultimately my happiness lies within myself. I know that my life will be just exactly what I make it.
3 comments:
Such a profound post, my sweet friend! You really made me think about a lot of things. You're so right...time passes very quickly. Sometimes, I wish I could just shout, "Stop!", and have it be so...but life travels on.
I hope and pray that 2009 will be a year of new beginnings, hope, laughter, and promise. I know that Big Dan is about to leave the nest, so that transition will be a hard one for you, no doubt. However, it might just open up the door to a whole world of new possibilities. It might allow you the opportunity to discover just how strong you really are.
I love that you've allowed Little Ann to sleep on your bedroom floor! As moms, we need to relish in the moments. We both know all too well that there will soon come a day when she'll cringe at the very thought of sleeping in your bedroom. So, I say...cherish it while you can!
Hope you have a Happy New Year...be safe!!!
Great post!
I know what you mean--I have been in the same funk for weeks. Hopefully January will be better for blogging!
Prayers for Mamaw... my Grandparents have no concept of aging and not doing what they've always done. And when I reflect on that (whether it be ladder climbing, changing oil in the car or traveling cross country to track down long dead ancestors) I think that's how I want to grow old as well. To continue life as you've known it until its time to go home.
New babies... I gush over them! What little miracles.
Life really is profound.
The next year will bring joy and a tad of sadness to make us appreciate the joy even more, that's they best way.
Cheers!
Jamie
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