Dissatisfied

I will admit....I've got like a thousand things to do today..and tomorrow...and the next day. It's a bit overwhelming. I wouldn't even allow myself to crawl back under my warm covers after taking Little Ann to school this morning, which is a pretty normal thing for me.

No, today, is filled with "stuff". An already packed full calendar and a death in our church requiring me to take out even more time to prepare food and a song since the family asked me to sing at the services. Wow. That adds a little stress to my weary, stressed out, hormonal body this week. But in reality, maybe it's what I need to make me me feel a little better about myself...you know. Being able to serve someone other than self right now.

As I write, I am listening to the rolling thunder. Seems a storm is blowing in (which actually may cancel the ballgame this evening alleviating something from my calendar without adding the guilt).

The storm makes me consider my life at this moment.

I am a terrible Christian. I fill my life with nonsense. A snippy tongue for no apparent reason. (I am working on that one.) A lazy..it'll be there tomorrow attitude. Blogging and Facebook.. which takes up an extreme amount of my time. This alone is the biggest storm I am having to row through at this moment. I seem to be letting things go...and then wondering why I feel the pressure. And my relationship with God. You don't even want to know. I should be spending time with Him. In study....in prayer.

I'm dissatisfied..with myself. No one else. It's all me. I'm upset because I can't seem to get control. I'm upset because I allow things to go on inside myself that shouldn't go on. I'm upset because I won't even do my Sunday School lesson and I can think of every excuse why. Our Pastor says if we are going to be Christians, then we should be Christians.

God's been speaking to me...

And I've been running...

Why God? Don't you know there are so many more important things to do?

I'm such a hypocrite.

O Lord My God..
When I in Awesome Wonder.
Consider all..the works Thy hand have made.

I see the stars. I hear the rolling thunder.
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then Sings my Soul...My Savior God to Thee.
How Great Thou Art! How Great Thou Art!

Oh Heavenly Father. Please don't give up on me. Help me get through this storm. Continue these convictions that our relationship may be restored. I love you Jesus. Amen.

Nothing but my Reality Check

I've been in a slight "blogging funk"...if you will...the last couple of days. I think my body and brain are both just exhausted, and I just can't think of anything to say.

It has been rather busy over the holiday break. I just realized tonight while walking down the aisles of the grocery store that the break was almost over. Time passes so quickly. Although Big Dan hasn't been home much (except when it was time to rack up..lol), I have so enjoyed spending this time with Little Ann. We have done lots of shopping, visiting friends, and we've watched lots of movies together.

It currently looks like a tornado hit my bedroom. Last night we blew up an air mattress so Little Ann could sleep in my floor. Her daddy was home and she wanted to sleep near me. Pete wanted to know how long that was going to last, and I assured him only during what was left of Christmas break. I just laughed to myself when I saw him stumble over 3 American Girl dolls in a make shift bed right beside her and about 10 stuffed animals in my floor. It definitely didn't leave much room for walking. As frustrating as her messes are sometimes, I know one day I will look around and wish for something to clean up.

Speaking of Little Ann.....although this has nothing to do with anything, she just came in here and told me she wishes I would have named her "Alice". Don't know what that's all about.

I had a little reality check tonight. One of my best scrapbooking friends' daughter had a baby today , but not only that... Pete's mamaw had back surgery. I love babies. I guess maybe I could've had 6 or 7 and been happy, but I guess God knew what would be best for me. When I was pregnant with Little Ann, I often questioned myself. I wondered how I could possibly love my new daughter with as much love as I had for my son. Did I actually have enough to go around? Oh, I did. It's still hard to understand how a mother can have so much love in her heart...and it just never goes away, no matter how many "I hate you's" she hears.

After visiting with my friend and swaddling that precious newborn baby girl, we moved up to the next floor to visit Pete's mamaw. She will be 88 in March and is in the hospital for back surgery because she fell off a ladder. A ladder people. Why would you climb a ladder if you were 88? But nothing much gets this woman down. It's unbelievable how good she still looks and acts at her age. As I looked at her petite 95 pound body lying there, I wondered just how many more years of life she actually had in her. And just as my friend's new baby was entering into this world....I know it won't be very many more years before she will be leaving...because that's what we do. We are born into this world, and then we leave it.

So many things are swimming around in my head right now. I mean what if I am drawing closer to my time of leaving. Really, none of us have the assurance of tomorrow.

James 4:14 - Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away.

So what is my life? How will I spend my 2009? What will remain the same? What will I change? What will I do for God who brought me in to this world and can just as easily take me out? I know that despite conflicts in my marriage, unloving words spouted off to my children, bad decisions I continue to make, whatever it may be dragging me down... that ultimately my happiness lies within myself. I know that my life will be just exactly what I make it.

A Christmas-y Weekend Wrap

First of all, let me start this post with a warning for ya. I love pictures, so I'm letting everyone know up front that this post will be long and full of photographs! Maybe you won't get too bored looking at my Little Ann during our Christmas-y weekend.

The Girl Scouts got to go to the County Courthouse to view their ornament on the big tree, sing Christmas carols with the County Judge and eat refreshments.

We had to go up to the 2nd floor to be able to see our ornament which meant Little Ann wasn't getting anywhere near it. She has a height phobia, but agreed to let me get her picture by the wall.

Christmas presents came a little early for my brother's kids and Little Ann. Meemaw and Papaw wanted them to come open their gifts and spend Friday night with them. They always get so much on Christmas Eve and get lost in all the chaos. This way they could enjoy what they got that night. Unfortunately Big Dan had to work, but if I know my practical parents, I'm sure his gift will be waiting in the bank for his future "hard times".

Here is Little Ann with her new point and shoot....a girl after her mother's heart. The newest photographer in the family.

And run for your life! It's the Hulk 3 year old style!

Remember this night? The kids were all so excited to get their parent's and grandparent's gifts with their behavior bucks. They were so much more eager for my mom and dad to open than they were to even get their own presents.

And I totally don't want to gross anybody out, but on this same night, my dad surprised my mom with $500 big ones so she could go buy her a laptop. The sweetest thing is that they are in retirement, so he had gone out and cut several loads of logs to sell to the mill so he could do that for her. I can only hope I am this happy after 40 years of being married to the one I love.

Here is my little "lady in red" hamming it up for the camera. She is all decked out in meemaw's new scarf and mittens, wearing her bow while holding her new red camera. So stunning..dahling.

We had a busy morning today. Of course, being the Sunday before Christmas meant our choir's performance, lots of wonderful holiday food, and back into the sanctuary for the children's play. It was called "Operation Baby King" and the kids did great. It was a sting operation to make sure everyone understood the Baby Jesus came for ALL PEOPLE!!

Here is Miss Sass herself....The names blond.....Jane Blond.

And last but not least...here's my baby girl and myself. She'd already gotten rid of the tie. And...Oh dear hairdresser..I know you had surgery, but can you just look at this hair??? I need you.........before Christmas!!

Have a great Monday!

A Beautiful Story

Before I get to the point of this post, I just wanted to let all my facebook and blog friends know I didn't really go blonde Thursday when I went to the beauty salon. I went in with all intentions of getting lots of highlights that would give my hair an overall blonde look, but when I got there my hairdresser decided I should mix some darker streaking in with the highlights. Normally, my analytical personality would have been tossing any detour from the original thought around for a while, but on this day, I thought...why not? So, in all reality, I'm still a red head. I'm just an assortment of shades.

(laughing)...So there you have it. And you can totally see my scalp. I'm glad I didn't have dandruff!!

Last night the girls and I got together for our monthly Bible Study. It was a special one this month because not only did we get to stuff ourselves with all kinds of delicious holiday foods, we had such sweet, sweet fellowship and had our Secret Sister reveal. I had no idea who mine was until her daughter had a little slip up a few weeks ago. lol. She was a great one!!

Notice Chickadee's baby belly. She is less than 2 weeks from her due date. We all got to ooo and ahhh over little chickadees movements and the fact that after 4 pregnancy's, she does not have ONE SINGLE STRETCH MARK!!! So, what do you think of that? That is soooo not right. I'm still stretching and marking even 10 years later!

I love the fact that we get together every month. Although we have gone to church together for years, getting together outside of church, in one another's homes, just makes our friendships so much stronger.


One of the highlights of the evening was when the Christmas story was read. What a beautiful story to be told. And although we unwrapped lots of gifts last night, when that story was being read from God's word, oh how the room was filled with tears and touched hearts just by hearing those beautiful words. Jesus Christ really is what the season is all about.

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. And all went to be taxed every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth into Judea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her first born son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over the flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were sore afraid And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying. "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men". And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into Heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem and see this thing which is to come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them. Luke 2: 1-20

Have a wonderful weekend.

Thankful Thoughts

I thought long and hard about adding this song to my profile as background music during the month of November, but I know how distracting music is to me, so I chose to save it for this particular post. I was first introduced to this song when I was in college. Our MBSF choir sang it and I immediately fell in love with it. It is very fitting for Thanksgiving and I hope you will take the time to listen and meditate.



Now, with that being said, I just wanted to take a moment to share a few things I am thankful for.

First and foremost, I am so thankful for my God. I'm so unworthy and for some reason He just keeps blessing me and blessing me.

I am so very thankful for my parents. They are such wonderful people. Tonight when I went to pick up Little Ann, my dad had sent home with her the homemade butter they had churned together from his fresh cow milk. FRESH COW MILK, people. I mean, really, how many of us can say we have actually made butter with our papaw. That is some kind of memory to make and I am so thankful for those times my parents share with my kids. And my mom....well, you can read all about her here, but I must say, she sent home with me tonight 2 new monogrammed hand towels (because she said the other one hanging was worn out...lol...she notices stuff when she comes to my house) AND get this. I had been in our capital city again today with a broken laptop and she knew I was going to be behind on my cooking for tomorrow's get together with Pete's family . She got my pie started and sent it home with me!! What a mom.

I am so thankful for my friends. My past and present. I love them all and am so very thankful for them. Just yesterday I reunited with my first and only college roommate.

We had a delicious lunch and spent a lot of time talking and laughing about old times. She taught me well how to sow my wild oats...lol. (and I told her I was giving her that credit). I'm glad we were able to spend this time together and I hope we can do it again.

I am so thankful for my family. My children are blessings from Heaven and I couldn't love them more (even when I don't feel the love back). I think my heart will just explode sometimes with the love I have for them. And my husband. He is such a good man. He puts up with so much out of me. I know he loves me even when I am constantly complaining, turning the air up to 80, habitually late, forgetting where I left my head, too afraid to leave my comfort zone, leaving my flat iron on for the entire day, showing my blond roots by some insane comment that makes no sense to him, burning him up because I have my electric blanket on in July, and even when he spends days searching for socks that really should be in his drawer. What can I say. Gotta love me!

And I could go on and on. God has been good to me even though I don't deserve it. I am just a simple girl living my simple life, undeserving.

Most wonderful wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving.

Revelation

Forgive me for rubbing it in, I just had to.......leaving in 2 HOURS!!

In less than 24 hours, myself and some friends are headed to the capital city to watch these guys perform live in concert. It's their Revelation Tour and I CAN'T WAIT!!



I couldn't find the original video to this song that gave permission to embed, but I found this. Just take the time to listen to this song. The words are so awesome. I know I am bound to have readers that are dealing with something in their life they just don't know how to handle. Whether it be a sickness or even death, family issues, guilt over past mistakes or simply unforgiveness. Whatever it may be...Cry out to Jesus. He has the answer.

Matthew 11:29 - Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Why?

I want to....
-get my entire house clean in one day.
-exercise daily and lose weight.
-pray and study more.
-miraculously find more energy.
-stop spending and start saving.

I don't want to....
-yell at my kids all the time.
-sleep so late on my days off.
-talk about people.
-wish I had something different than I have.
-eat for the heck of it.

So, tell me. Why can't I do the things I want to do and stop doing the things I don't want to do??

Paul said in Romans 7:15 and 19 - For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not, but what I hate, that do I. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

Why, oh why?

Darn flesh.