This one's for Pete

To my readers, my apologies for making you look at that lovely picture of my teenager and the girlfriend for 3 days. Due to some "circumstances" in the life of Scrapper Mom, I have not been able to read, comment, or contribute to the blog world for a few days now. Truly, I have missed you.

My choice of posting today, you may find does not interest you in the least. Where I always hope to write well enough to keep you coming back, I must tell you up front, this one's for Pete.

The year was 1989..and I was bleeding love. Not with Pete yet, of course, but with somebody that I once thought was "the one". He was my big teddy bear and in my eyes he hung the moon. I had never experienced any teen romance like this. It was a college thing. (You remember..the one with the loud speakers). Despite some opposition from those that didn't want us together, we had a very good relationship. We didn't fight...(well, not much anyway) and it was no worries..all fun..the carefree life...yes, those were the days, but I made some choices that very much complicated things. We parted ways and six months later, in October of 1990, I gave birth to Big Dan. Big Dan was so beautiful..the spitting image of his father. Unfortunately a baby was not part of his life plan at the time, (and as it turns out, nor was I) so I began my mission. A mission to fill the void in my life and my sweet baby's.

The dating scene never stopped for me, even as a single parent. My heart had been broken and I needed desperately for someone to come along and help me pick up the pieces. I held Big Dan in my arms night after night...rocking....singing...crying out to God and speaking softly in my baby's ear.."I'm going to find you a daddy, I promise".

I dated this person, and that person...and that continued for two long years which seemed like an eternity...but it was no longer just about me. It became about me and my boy. So with every new relationship, I pondered..could he be the one? The one that will love us both?

1992 was soon coming to an end. Big Dan was 2 years old now and I was failing miserably in the daddy department. But then...all of a sudden, I thought I had found him..you know..Mr. Right. He had a nice car, a good job..suit and tie kind of guy. Yep, he could definitely provide. He had such a nice family and he went to church. Bingo. This was too good to be true....until he cheated. So, here I went...right back to square one. I had begin to give up. Why wasn't any guy good enough? Was I just too picky?.. and why was God not answering my prayers?

It was now the beginning of 1993. The phone on my desk at work rang. To my surprise I found a male voice on the other end. ..oh my goodness, I thought, who in the world is this person? Turns out a "fellow employee" (whom I did not know) had seen me walking down the hall and wanted to make contact. The rest is history...ok, I wouldn't dare leave you hanging like that. We talked for a few minutes and by the end of the conversation, he had asked me out on a date. I immediately ran across the hall to tell my good friend the news. She was very quick to inform me that I did NOT need a guy like that. Apparently Pete was a party animal and had developed quite the reputation......not the kind of guy I needed to be with. Somehow, that peaked my curiosity..a rebel? Maybe I needed to check it out. To be honest, I justified our first date by saying that if I went out with Pete, somehow I would make Mr. Cheater Pants jealous enough to come back to me (why, I wanted him back, I'll never know). He did get wind and start calling again, but by that time, I had changed my mind. I had already developed an attraction to Pete. Yes, all the things that my girlfriend had told me were true, but with every date, I began to feel more and more for him. It's so hard to explain. This guy was everything that was NOT ideal for me...the party guy, estranged from his family, driving his little sports car, squandering his money and heading wherever the wind took him. I was straight laced, a church going "good girl", very close to my family..with a child. He was not my type at all, but this guy "needed" me, I thought. I can help him find what is missing in his life...and oh how I needed him as much as he needed me. We were married within 6 months.

You know.....today marks our 15th wedding anniversary. I will be honest with you and say it has not always been easy. Pete came into our marriage not only a husband, but a father, and I know that was a huge undertaking for him. I thank him so much for raising Big Dan as his own and providing him with everything he has ever had in his life. He has been the best father he knows how to be to both our children.

We have faced many, many trials and tribulations over the years, and there have been times I have just wanted to give up. I've cried out to my God over and over wondering why I couldn't have the perfect marriage. I realize now,..there is no perfect marriage, and I am kidding myself if I think for one moment there will ever be. I do know this much though..if God is the center of your marriage, you will find one as perfect as perfect can be.

While Pete has made lots of changes in his life, he is still the same in so many ways. He has and always will be my protector. He is my provider. He is my partner. He is my friend and today...at this very moment... even as I write, I realize just how very much he loves me. I cannot imagine my life without him.

We took a vow 15 long, hard years ago that we would love each other unconditionally. That we would stay faithful to one another in sickness and health, for richer and poorer and for better or for worse. I am convinced that there is nothing that can happen that we cannot get through. We are chubby, and getting grey, but that's ok. Oh, and by the way.... I may not "understand" everything, but Pete, I understand this.... I love you more today than I ever have.

Happy Anniversary.