Dissatisfied

I will admit....I've got like a thousand things to do today..and tomorrow...and the next day. It's a bit overwhelming. I wouldn't even allow myself to crawl back under my warm covers after taking Little Ann to school this morning, which is a pretty normal thing for me.

No, today, is filled with "stuff". An already packed full calendar and a death in our church requiring me to take out even more time to prepare food and a song since the family asked me to sing at the services. Wow. That adds a little stress to my weary, stressed out, hormonal body this week. But in reality, maybe it's what I need to make me me feel a little better about myself...you know. Being able to serve someone other than self right now.

As I write, I am listening to the rolling thunder. Seems a storm is blowing in (which actually may cancel the ballgame this evening alleviating something from my calendar without adding the guilt).

The storm makes me consider my life at this moment.

I am a terrible Christian. I fill my life with nonsense. A snippy tongue for no apparent reason. (I am working on that one.) A lazy..it'll be there tomorrow attitude. Blogging and Facebook.. which takes up an extreme amount of my time. This alone is the biggest storm I am having to row through at this moment. I seem to be letting things go...and then wondering why I feel the pressure. And my relationship with God. You don't even want to know. I should be spending time with Him. In study....in prayer.

I'm dissatisfied..with myself. No one else. It's all me. I'm upset because I can't seem to get control. I'm upset because I allow things to go on inside myself that shouldn't go on. I'm upset because I won't even do my Sunday School lesson and I can think of every excuse why. Our Pastor says if we are going to be Christians, then we should be Christians.

God's been speaking to me...

And I've been running...

Why God? Don't you know there are so many more important things to do?

I'm such a hypocrite.

O Lord My God..
When I in Awesome Wonder.
Consider all..the works Thy hand have made.

I see the stars. I hear the rolling thunder.
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then Sings my Soul...My Savior God to Thee.
How Great Thou Art! How Great Thou Art!

Oh Heavenly Father. Please don't give up on me. Help me get through this storm. Continue these convictions that our relationship may be restored. I love you Jesus. Amen.

Bittersweet Goodbyes

I'm keen on that psycological stuff, ya know, so when I posted flyers that said puppies for sale, I made sure I labeled them "VALENTINE puppies for sale". Luckily they are weaned and my ploy seems to be working as several have gone bu bye this week as gifts just for that very occasion.

It's been hard to see each one go, as Little Ann and I have become somewhat attached to each one individually. I let my favorite little black fur ball go just as I was heading out the door to church on Wednesday night and I didn't even get adequate enough time to say my goodbyes, let alone a picture. But not yesterday. When I got the call that the buyer was on his way, Marley was taken straight to the sink for a bath, a Valentine bow, and a photo session.

Now, if this isn't just the best Valentine's day gift ever!!!

We were down to 4 little black ones and our special little pink nosed goldie that Little Ann had named "Buddy" after Air Bud. He has such a sweet little personality, and is just as cute as can be and I must admit, if he didn't sell, I was very much contemplating keeping him around. Didn't happen. Got a call tonight and I must say goodbyes didn't go as easy with him as with previous sales.

After his bath, he had to endure snuggles and lots of tears as we awaited on his new owner to arrive. It just about broke my heart for Little Ann. She and Buddy have gotten pretty tight.

It was almost more than I could bear to see those red, puffy eyes and crocodile tears flowing down her cheeks.

This was not an easy thing to do, and it seems the longer we have them around, the harder it gets. The consolation was that Buddy was going to make another little girl very, very happy...yeah, that and an early Valentine present for Little Ann (a stuffed puppy who made everything all better).

Today I am thanking God

First for just some small, insignificant things, like the energy He enabled me to find this week to be consistent in my "biggest loser" workout all 5 days. (yeah, I took the weekend off....so.)

For giving me the power to sit still long enough to (almost) finish an entire book...which we all know is an unattainable act for me, but I've prayed for His guidance in helping me get my finances back on track and am super excited about the direction He is leading me.

For allowing me to get control of my hormones, my life back to reality and finally a clearer complexion.

And yes, though maybe a bit shallow, I'm being honest with you in sharing these smaller things in life I am thankful for.

And I'm thankful for some bigger things too. Like the fact that today is my mother's birthday. And I am so blessed to have had her in my life for this many years and I'm looking forward to many more.

My mom and I - Fall 1973

She has been my rock throughout my life and as I've said before I know no matter where life's road takes me, she will always be my constant.

October 1990 - Baby Shower for Big Dan

But today, I am most thankful for these precious two people.

We got word that for the 2nd time in 2 weeks, Big Dan has lost one of his classmates. The first girl passed away in a one vehicle car accident just a few miles up the road. If that wasn't disturbing enough, we found out last night that another girl in his class had just passed away in a four wheeler accident. I must say, I was so shocked and can't even tell you how sad I feel for her grandparents, parents and siblings. Our school is very small, with only about 50 in Big Dan's graduating class, so anytime anything like this happens, it is so hard on the kids and the entire community. Please remember this family when you pray.

It's no secret the love I hold for my children. Just knowing that I could lose them any day makes me want to hold on to them that much tighter.

And can I just say this......if you truly love your children, the most precious gift you can give them is the opportunity to know the Lord as their personal Savior.

"And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment." Hebrews 9:27

Nothing but my Reality Check

I've been in a slight "blogging funk"...if you will...the last couple of days. I think my body and brain are both just exhausted, and I just can't think of anything to say.

It has been rather busy over the holiday break. I just realized tonight while walking down the aisles of the grocery store that the break was almost over. Time passes so quickly. Although Big Dan hasn't been home much (except when it was time to rack up..lol), I have so enjoyed spending this time with Little Ann. We have done lots of shopping, visiting friends, and we've watched lots of movies together.

It currently looks like a tornado hit my bedroom. Last night we blew up an air mattress so Little Ann could sleep in my floor. Her daddy was home and she wanted to sleep near me. Pete wanted to know how long that was going to last, and I assured him only during what was left of Christmas break. I just laughed to myself when I saw him stumble over 3 American Girl dolls in a make shift bed right beside her and about 10 stuffed animals in my floor. It definitely didn't leave much room for walking. As frustrating as her messes are sometimes, I know one day I will look around and wish for something to clean up.

Speaking of Little Ann.....although this has nothing to do with anything, she just came in here and told me she wishes I would have named her "Alice". Don't know what that's all about.

I had a little reality check tonight. One of my best scrapbooking friends' daughter had a baby today , but not only that... Pete's mamaw had back surgery. I love babies. I guess maybe I could've had 6 or 7 and been happy, but I guess God knew what would be best for me. When I was pregnant with Little Ann, I often questioned myself. I wondered how I could possibly love my new daughter with as much love as I had for my son. Did I actually have enough to go around? Oh, I did. It's still hard to understand how a mother can have so much love in her heart...and it just never goes away, no matter how many "I hate you's" she hears.

After visiting with my friend and swaddling that precious newborn baby girl, we moved up to the next floor to visit Pete's mamaw. She will be 88 in March and is in the hospital for back surgery because she fell off a ladder. A ladder people. Why would you climb a ladder if you were 88? But nothing much gets this woman down. It's unbelievable how good she still looks and acts at her age. As I looked at her petite 95 pound body lying there, I wondered just how many more years of life she actually had in her. And just as my friend's new baby was entering into this world....I know it won't be very many more years before she will be leaving...because that's what we do. We are born into this world, and then we leave it.

So many things are swimming around in my head right now. I mean what if I am drawing closer to my time of leaving. Really, none of us have the assurance of tomorrow.

James 4:14 - Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away.

So what is my life? How will I spend my 2009? What will remain the same? What will I change? What will I do for God who brought me in to this world and can just as easily take me out? I know that despite conflicts in my marriage, unloving words spouted off to my children, bad decisions I continue to make, whatever it may be dragging me down... that ultimately my happiness lies within myself. I know that my life will be just exactly what I make it.

My 100th Post!! And Some Reality

First of all, let me just say it's with great joy I offer you my 100th blog post. I can't believe I have found enough interesting stuff to talk about for that long. lol. (Well, I guess at least maybe some of it has been interesting anyway). A special thank you to all who continue to read..(and of course comment).

Now for this...

Tonight's feature for my 100th post is going to be non other than Big Dan. After all, he's really the one that keeps it "real" for us...and did I mention he has the crappiest..with a capital C..the crappiest luck?

Or maybe God is just testing him. Whichever it is, I'm beginning to feel for him.

Did I tell you about the time last year when he got suspended for 10 days because one of his alumni friends came into the regional basketball tournament game with a spiked drink in a Sonic cup? Yeah, he did, and then asked Big Dan to hold it for him and then Big Dan took a couple of swigs. He doesn't drink or party and said he didn't know it had alcohol in it the first time, but I guess the 2nd drink was peer pressure....or just pure stupidity. Anyhow, somebody snitched and it turned in to a major thing. Lesson to be learned...if you're going to do something stupid like that, you should totally do it where you don't have quite the audience.

Did I tell you that this past April we bought Big Dan a car? Oh, and did I tell you that somebody side swiped him (causing $4,000 worth of damage)? And did I mention this happened less than a mile from our driveway on his way to school the 1ST DAY HE DROVE IT? Yep, it happened. I'm not sure of the lesson to be learned here. Unless it is to watch out for idiots on the road, because there are plenty of them out there. (I've been accused of being one myself!)

And once again, the bad luck prevails. You see, what was actually supposed to be a nice quiet evening...post hen party, obviously wasn't. Big Dan got off work at 11:00 tonight, walked out to the parking lot only to find his car window bashed in.

Glass was everywhere. But that wasn't even the worst news. They took just about everything he had in there...which included about $80 cash that was in the console, a couple of gift cards he had just gotten for his birthday, the fossil watch that he got from the girlfriend, his new bat bag AND the $100 first baseman's mitt, I JUST BOUGHT HIM..also for his birthday. They got into his trunk and took another bat that actually belonged to a friend of his, his brand spanking new wooden bat that my mom and dad gave him Sunday (for his birthday), and also another souvenir Louisville Slugger wooden bat that my mom had gotten him from Louisville. They had his name imprinted on it a couple of years ago when they were on vacation. Needless to say, I am so angry.

As soon as Big Dan called, I drove right into town to talk with the officer that worked the report. He said we would need to call our insurance agent on Monday with a list of property and report the damage to the vehicle.

The reality of this is...that there are just so many mean, ruthless people in the world and I guess this is just another hard lesson for him to learn. Not that I am blaming him, because it was totally out of his control. BUT, it is something we all need to realize. I guess it's just signs of the times.

The other reality is....

that if it's gonna happen....it's gonna happen to him.

And....it's almost 2 am. It's been a long stressful night, so I'm going to join hubby in dreamland.

Here's to another 100!!

Another Life Lesson and some AWARDS!!

No, I'm not a preacher.

But, I have found that my latest morning devotionals have bit me right in the buttocks! I know from reading some of your past posts that you are going through some of the same things as well, and I just wanted to share these thoughts..or reminders. If they help you, then it was worth it.

Do you have the same problem with that sharp little tool between your teeth that I do?

Proverbs 12:18-19 - Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

The tongue is a two-edged instrument of power. With it we can lash apart a loved one, leaving deep scars. We've seen our children's confidence wilt after our tongues strike a blow. We have torn our husbands apart thoughtlessly with our condemning words. The tongue has the power to destroy.

BUT.. thank goodness it also has the power to build up and heal. It can just as easily offer solace for the open wounds around us. Why don't we try those 3 little word groupings such as "You look great".."Good for you!" or "I love you" more often. And how about this one? "I forgive you". These can transform our human lives.

Ok, I just thought that was good. Hope you did too.

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AWARD TIME!

Guys, I have just been so blessed with the greatest bloggy friends and I thank you so, so much for these awards. I look forward to reading your posts every day and I get so excited writing my own and then checking in to see what you have to say about it. I love your encouragement, your wit and the way you make me smile. Because I have 3 awards and a blog roll that isn't very long...I'm only going to choose 3 for each award. Although I would give you all an award. If I didn't love your blog, you wouldn't be on my list!

This first award is the SMILE award. There are several characteristics that one must display in order to be considered for this award. They are:
-displaying a cheerful attitude
-showing love to others
-makes mistakes
-learns from others
-contribute positively to the blog world
-loves life and kids!

For this award I choose:
1. Big Mama's Blog - Oh. my. goodness. Does she ever make me smile. There isn't a post that she writes that doesn't have me grinning from ear to ear. Even when she's sick, she cracks me up!

2. His Girl's Blog - Amber is a funny one too. I so enjoyed the post where she videoed herself. She is deep and profound, but she can definitely make me smile!

3. Sugar and Spice - Although I just recently added her to my blog roll, this girl has always got something interesting going on in her life. With as many little girls as she has in her family, it's got to be exciting. I love how she takes the good with the bad and continues to smile. She deserves a smile award hands down.

You know the rules. Your supposed to choose 5 to pass this along to. Of course, post the characteristics and the rules for this award. Make sure you link back to who gave it to you and be sure and thank them, and share your win with the rest of the blog world.

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The next award is the BFF (Blogging Friends Forever). Of course the rules for this one is to pick 5 and pass it on. Four of who you choose are to be dedicated followers and one who is a newbie or lives in a far away land.

1. Can you do this? I don't know, but I'm sending this award right back to April who gave it to me. She is a dedicated follower and I so wish I knew her in real life. We have lots in common and I love hearing from her every day. Thanks April and here's right back at ya!!

2. This one is for my dear friend, Angie. She is so much like me it's scary right down to the red hair. She is another one I'd really like to meet. She is very dedicated to my blog and was one of my very 1st commenters. Thank you Angie!

3. I have to give this to Naomi for sure. She is a special one too. She always knows how to lift my spirits when I'm down and boosts my confidence every time I post a scrapbook page. She lives in Australia and how I would love to hear that Aussie accent. (lol)

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And last but not least, the "I love your blog" award. This one is hard, because I love all of your blogs, but being as how I'm only choosing 3, makes it tough.

1. Chickadee has to get this one. I love her blog with all my heart. Reading her blog was how I even entered into the blog world myself. She has been a real life long friend of mine. We go to church together and our girls are friends. She is such an excellent writer and her post are always wonderful and refreshing to read.

2. Christy deserves this award too. I absolutely love her blog. She has the sweetest disposition about her. I love how she writes the most precious things about her family and oh, how she loves the Lord. I never miss a post. They are invigorating to me.

3. This last one goes to Rae. Rae is a frequent commenter of my blog too, and I appreciate her. Her posts are real. If she feels it, she writes it and I admire that. I especially liked the letter she wrote to the little guy with the potty mouth. You go girl.

Of course the rules are: Recipients put the logo on their blog, link back to the person that sent it, nominate 7 others, and link up to them. Make sure you leave messages for everyone telling them they've been nominated!

Wishing everyone a happy Thursday!

UPDATED - Perspective and Some Blog Business

This is a post I've been putting off for some time now. Not because I'm not just the proudest thing to be tagged by friends and showered with bloggy awards, but I think it's mainly because forwarding tags and awards requires more thought than I've had in me lately...(and because I've had a terrible time thinking of random things about me!!)

Anyway, I will get to my blog business a little further into the post, but first I wanted to share with you a little excerpt from my devotion this morning. This soooo soooo much related to me and I thought you might enjoy it too.

It's so easy to trundle down the path of the insignificant. Dressing and redressing, piling each outfit in a heap on the closet floor, throwing a tantrum because the hubby wasn't home for dinner on time, battling with your teenager over the length of his hair, or with your little one over a bath when a sticky, happy child would rather go to bed dirty. In some moments, these issues might matter, but in the long run...how much?

When the writer of Proverbs writes "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife" (Prov 17:1). I believe he is speaking to busy moms (among others) who focus on the insignificant instead of the eternal.

The next time you find yourself spinning..ask yourself one question. Will this matter in 5 years? If so, focus your energy on completing what's before you with grace and efficiency. If not, I say forget it!!

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Ok, now let's get down to business....blog business, that is.

* I have been trying to "follow" as many blogs as I can, and I would so much appreciate it if you would "follow" mine too!! It brings me much joy to see your cute little faces on my homepage. If you haven't started this yet, it is so easy and works like the google reader, but with faces! (see all my faces on the right sidebar)

* I am fulfilling my noble duty of blogging about a really cool giveaway so I can get extra entries!!! So, you could just let me get my entries and go on about your merry way OR you could go visit and enter too! Heidi is giving away a custom made bulletin board.

* And finally, I was recently tagged by Kim, April, and Naomi to list 6 random things about me. So, here goes. (And this is very random) 1. I am the world's worst at directions. I can't get anywhere without calling my husband or my mother a million times. I was driving recently in our capital city and went to pick Pete up from work. I asked him how to get out of where we were. He said "turn right", and guess what? I turned left. Hows that for getting around!

2. When I was pregnant with Big Dan I gained 40 pounds and craved green apple candy constantly.

3. The biggest fight Pete and I have ever had was over a recliner. My uncle was having back trouble and my mom had called to see if my uncle could borrow our chair because it had massage and heat and was very comfy. I said sure, and asked Pete to help me take it over. He had just come in from mowing the grass and wanted to get a shower first. I said NO!! It can't wait. We have to go NOW! Pete shrugged and went on to the shower. While he was in, I lugged that big chair out to the trunk of my little bitty car and left huffing and puffing with a recliner hanging out of my trunk. When I got home later, I thought we were headed for divorce. I look back on that one and die laughing.

4. I sleep on my side most of the time and cannot sleep unless my ear is covered. Weird, huh?

5. I don't really like hot dogs, but I will eat it roasted on an open fire. It has to be black though!!

6. I have never read a book from cover to cover (at least voluntarily). I try, really I do, but I am convinced it's NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!

UPDATE: (okay, so maybe I shouldn't have said "never". Let me clarify this a little because some of you are going loco on me because I don't read...lol. I guess it would be safe to say that I did somehow manage to read library books in elementary...maybe even "Nancy Drew". I probably even liked it!! And I know for a fact I was forced to read Madame Bovary in French class, but I'm talking about now...my choice...reading for pleasure kind of thing, or self help. I just can't seem to ever make it from the beginning to the end. It just doesn't happen for me. Ok, is that better?)

Because I have some awards to pass on soon, I am not going to "officially" tag anyone for this tonight, but feel free to tag yourself!! Let me know if you do. I would love to read about your randomness.

Parenting...Ups and Downs

Hey all. I couldn't actually say anything about my photo I posted yesterday, because then it wouldn't have been "wordless", but I just thought that was the cutest picture of Dixie. I'm glad you all enjoyed it. I liked your comments.

I know some people actually plan their blog posts out a week in advance. I'm sorry. I just can't do that. For one thing my life isn't all that exciting, and for another, I am just a kind of go with the flow person. Whatever hits me at the moment is what I may talk about. Today, in light of events regarding my children, I'd just like to share what I feel are some ups and downs of parenting.

Tonight, it has just been delightful watching Little Ann prepare for her upcoming 4-H election. She is running for Reporter. She absolutely loves to write stories and take pictures. (Hmmmm..wonder where she got that.) Anyway, we have been like little busy bees printing out campaign posters...

putting campaign tags on suckers...(sucking up...lol),


and preparing a speech.

She wrote it all by herself and it was very impressive. We will be gone on our mission trip next week when the actual election takes place, so she is trying to get her campaign ready for tomorrow!! She has been all smiles tonight as she has been putting all this together. I love how she gets something on her mind (as crazy as her ideas may be sometimes) and goes with it with such determination.

Today, Big Dan had some issues at school and I couldn't help but think about my devotional I read yesterday. It is so applicable. I do hope that one day he will look back and appreciate what Pete and I have tried to teach and instill in him.

Listening to the Past -

He taught you how to keep your checkbook. Month in and month out, you sat together at the kitchen table and marked off cleared checks striking a neat balance.

Listen to your father's instruction. What do you hear?

Sure. He made mistakes. Some fathers made many more than they should have. But from his instruction, you have become the person-and the parent-you are today. What values do you hold now because of his past instruction?

She made you make your bed every morning. There was no leaving the house until it was done.

Listen to your mother's teaching. What do you hear?

No matter what confused you in the past, today you can lay your hand on some principle from your mother that you have applied in your own mothering. What is it?

Even though we are grown women and mothers ourselves today, the instruction of our fathers and the teaching of our mothers still have something to say to us. If we will listen.

Proverbs 1:8 & 9 - Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

Hope

Hello Friends. Once again, I have let the days get away from me. I can't believe I have been so consistent in my posting each day since I began this blogging endeavor....up until this week, that is. I know that even though I make plans for my life, (and plans for the blog, ha), that doesn't necessarily mean they are God's plans.

I just want to say that this has been a tremendously difficult week for me. I know those of you that faithfully read, are ones that I can count on to pray for me, so I would ask that you pray....even though you don't know what you are praying for, it would mean the world to me.

Tonight I grabbed my bible.....just thumbing through hoping something would jump out at me. I know that God speaks through His word...that is if we will just listen. These are a couple of verses that caught my attention and I would like to share them. Some of you I know and others I have only become to know through this blog. You may be going through some rainy times in your life too, and I just want to remind you of what I am having to remind myself. We are not alone if we are God's children.

Psalm 9:9 - The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: For thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.

Psalm 62:7-8 - In God is my Salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength and my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.

There is a song by Casting Crowns (which is my absolute favorite Christian Band) called Prodigal. If you are familiar with the parable of the prodigal son, you will love this song. The son goes out into the world, squanders his blessings away and when has no where else to turn, he comes back to his father, who lovingly takes him back. These lyrics are so powerful.



You know,.... so many times we grow so distant from God, squandering our blessings away.. and we wonder why things happen. This song is so touching. It just reminds me of how "our Father" is always there ready to take us back anytime we come running. From time to time, I have to remind myself that God isn't the one that has left me high and dry, it is the other way around.

There is hope.

A Challenge to Myself

Today, actually, in all the silence, I've been pondering. Mostly about my relationship with my children, and the rift between my children. Something's just been in the air lately. I'm not sure what, but everybody, and I mean everybody has just been edgy. I'm sure Little Ann was happy to get away.

I read God's word. I know what it says. I know there is something in it that will help us in every situation in our lives...the key...actually applying it to our lives. Proverbs 4:24 - Put away from thee a froward mouth and perverse lips put far from thee. I admit that's a tough one for me. I'm a nagger and a yeller....and yes, my mouth does tend to get me in trouble frequently, so why is it that I am surprised when my kids act the same? Don't they know they aren't supposed to do what I do, but what I say. Yeah, ok. Actually, it's usually my tone of voice that initiates their tone back to me...and I get mad because it is at an inappropriate heightened level?

Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers (or in this case, Mothers) provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Could it be that I "provoke" my children to react the way they do? Not that that is an excuse for disrepectful behavior, but what can I do differently to help change the outcome of the situation?

Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.

So....my challenge to myself. Think swiftly, speak softly and cherish every good moment I have left with them. I don't have the promise of tomorrow and neither do they. Feel free to take this challenge for yourself!

Sometimes things don't go as planned..

even though you want them to. I am referring to the beginning of yesterday's post where I had my day all planned out. Yes, I managed to do a couple of loads of laundry and then I cleaned the kitchen. After starting the dishwasher, I went outside ready to tackle the next task at hand which was trimming my shrubs. May I add it takes alot to get me motivated enough to tackle this chore in the first place, but I was kind of excited about trying out this little tool my husband had gotten me for my birthday last year anyway.

Electric hedge trimmers. A wonderful invention. My advice to you people...(unless you are smarter than me), please read all warning labels!!

because if you don't, you may very well find your finger looking much like this... Youch! That smarts!

I know I'm not the smartest cookie in the jar sometimes. All I can say is I did it. I ignored the danger label and stuck my finger right where I wasn't supposed to. Luckily I had gloves on which I am pretty sure enabled me to keep the tip of my left index finger. It really didn't hurt much. As a matter of fact, I didn't really even feel much at all, BUT I panicked because I totally thought the tip was gone. The lack of feeling, and all the blood is what made me think it must be bad. Dear hubby was actually home and had just gotten off the mower so I ran to him holding my glove tightly and said, "we've got to go to the er now. I think my finger is gone." The more time passed, the more sheepish I got. I just couldn't look and they had to pry my hand from the glove. Luckily my finger was still there, but it was a pretty deep, nasty, cut. Thank goodness for gloves.

I would've posted pictures without the bandage, but I know chickadee reads and given her current state, I decided to spare the gore.

Now, it is beginning to hurt. So I will make hydrocodone my friend for a couple of days and try to recover from the tetanus shot (which in my opinion is almost just as bad). Forgive me if I am lacking in my typing skills for the next week or so of posts. Ever tried typing with a fat whatever thingy on your finger?

Seven Times Seventy

I know I'm probably not making the best of first impressions. Why can't I just get to the fun stuff like introductions and posting pictures of the hubby and precious children. I promise, I will get to that, but today I'm just not feeling it.

Once again, issues on the homefront halted the mood for luvey, duvey comments on what an adorable family I have. Don't get me wrong. I do love them. They can be adorable. I am beginning to wonder if my own crankiness as of late is rubbing my tolerance thin.

Just so you know, when I refer to my own crankiness, it's not what my bad moods normally get blamed on...usually pms. I absolutely hate it when every time I cry or yell my family automatically "assumes" it is my time of the month? uh, whatever!
Can I please just cry or yell for the sake of crying or yelling?

Trust me, it's not pms, but sometimes, I let myself fall into a "mood". An inexplainable one where I just want to feel sorry for myself. I just want to run away back to the days when I had no one to be accountable to but myself (so I thought anyway), back to the days of my youth when I let myself fall into some temptations that I'm not sure I have ever fully forgiven myself for.

And...that brings me to the next part of my post. Forgiveness. Yes, Big Dan "thrives" on making Little Ann scream. Anything he can do to irritate her, he does. Why he's the first born, more deserving than she. He never ceases to rub it in that he is "almost 18" and has way more rights than she does.

It's Sunday. I don't know why I am surprised at all the discontent. Satan works overtime at my house on Sundays, so I should've expected a knock down, drag out between Big Dan and Little Ann, or Big Dan and myself, or all of us for that matter. Hubby lucks out and misses most of the drama because he has a job that keeps him away from home most of the time.

I won't bore you with the details of what occurred between Big Dan and Little Ann, but I do know that it had hit it's all time high today. Little Ann got so angry she let the "h" word slip. Gasp! Something to do with hate. I don't know about you, but I just can't stand that word and it didn't go over too well, not with me or her brother. Big Dan was devastated. I couldn't believe it affected him that way. I couldn't tell if he was more hurt or angry or a little of both, but he was definitely affected by it. I didn't know he cared so much.

Tonight we had a family meeting on forgiveness and if I may, I would like share. This is really all coming to light to me because just last Sunday, our guest preacher, talked of this very thing. And..just this week, I have felt a little down regarding things that I have done in my past.

Who is to be forgiven? Forgiveness isn't just about forgiving one another, but ourselves as well.

Why should we be willing to forgive?
Mark 11:25,26 - And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any; that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. GET THIS PART...But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. Well, That's scary. But, this is the hard part..what if they aren't sincere? Big Dan assumes Little Ann asks forgiveness to get out of trouble..and maybe you aren't sure of the motives of your oppressor either, were they sincere enough for you..did they show enough emotion to suit you...was it for real? I know. Sometimes I wonder these same things. I say leave that for God to judge.

And finally, how many times should we forgive one another (or ourselves)?
Matthew 18:22 - Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Wow, that's alot of times. Does that mean every time we are wronged? I do believe so. Even by the same person? Yep! Even when we do things that dissapoint ourselves? While this is the biggie for me, I do think we owe ourselves the same. Humm...maybe I should take my own advice and get on with it already.

Hopefully we can all forgive one another (and ourselves), for tomorrow is a new day!