Let's Just Clarify Something...My Fears

Before all 5 of you who actually read my last post about a motorcycle begin to think that I am fearless, and am okay with the fact that my 18 year old son who has no previous experience on any kind of motorcycle and spent a very limited amount of time on an atv as a child (yes, because of his mother's fears), I must clarify some things for you. The post was actually just poking fun at my teenager and the wonderful theory of ...buy now, pay later.

Oh believe me. I am not fearless by any means.

I fear many things.

Snakes for one. They freak me out. Just looking at them through the glass at the zoo brings on nightmares for weeks.

I fear closed doors at night. What if something happens to one of my kids, or my house catches on fire and I'm the last to know?

I'm afraid that when I die, people won't be able to find good things to say about me.....(I mean if they talk bad about Michael Jackson, what are they going to say about me?) And what if no one comes to my funeral? I guess I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm actually going to be there either.

I am afraid of cruise ships and airplanes. I like my feet to be on solid ground and I've never been on either of these. Don't know if I can ever bring myself to do it. Pete is hoping I'll conquer these particular fears. (I'm working on it)

I don't like shopping after dark. Dark parking lots are spooky and it's not a good feeling. I'm so vulnerable...and clumsy.....and female. A prime target.

I have never let my kids eat hard candy. What if they choke and I can't revive them?

I have always had a fear of things men put together such as rollercoasters and those crazy swings at amusement parks that have you flying over water. What if one just flies right off? The one I happened to be on?

I had a dream one time I drove off a bridge. Since that dream, I have greatly feared not being able to get myself or my kids out of their seatbelts and out of the van. So much that I had Pete purchase a glass breaker and seatbelt cutter to help my insecurities.

So just in case there is any question...I defintely do not want Big Dan to save his money all to spend it on a motorcycle.

Even the very thought of him on something that goes from 0-125 mph in 60 seconds...(or whatever it does)....

terrifies me!

You better believe I'm scared.

The Matter at Hand

Several months ago when the pastor began talk of visiting the mission in New Jersey, I was a bit skeptical. A preacher who had been raised in the North, began pastoring in the South, had developed a burden for the people in his home town and wanted to plant a church there. I had heard good things were happening. I had seen pictures of his building and had heard they were having good attendance. "It seems like they are doing just as good in mission status as we are at a church that has been established for hundreds of years", I thought. What could we possibly be needed for?

Boy, did I ever need this trip.

I learned a number of things.

First...God needs a few good men who are willing to answer His call and be willing to uproot their lives and their family and go to who knows where to plant a true New Testament Church. I am so thankful that God called this Missionary to this place where the truth is so scarce.

Secondly...numbers can be oh, so deceiving. Just because they are attending, does not mean they are strong Christians or grounded in the faith. Majority of the people who are coming to this mission are unchurched people and have never given a relationship with Christ or God's people a second thought. How wonderful that they have decided to join His family, but who else is there to disciple but the missionary and his wife. What a great task at hand.

Third...I saw neighborhood after neighborhood of houses. So many houses with people who need Jesus. So many more than our one Missionary could possibly reach. I was so happy to be a part of a team of door knockers. To get the word out about the church and to take every opportunity that God gave me to tell someone about His love. My primary goal with each door that opened was to make sure they knew how to get to heaven.


and Finally...I learned that sometimes, even if there isn't an abundance of work to be done or buildings to be erected, sometimes it can simply be about encouragement. Encouraging our missionary and his family to keep on keeping on. Letting them know how much we appreciate the work they are doing, the sacrifices they are making and the souls they are reaching. (and cooking him a good ol' Southern style meal doesn't hurt any either!)

My eyes were opened.

When Your Efforts Feel Kinda..Well...Worthless

First let me just start out by saying that those that know me knows it takes great effort for me to get out of bed in the morning. I am known for loving my sleep. I've never been much of a napper (aside from Sunday afternoon's), but I have and will probably always be a night owl. Staying up late every night can only mean sleeping in every morning. Yes, I do have to get up early to get the kids off to school, but once they are out and the house is quiet...my bed calls to me.

And I just can't resist.

Sleeping in though, most definitely has it's side effects for sure. By the time I get going, it seems my day is almost over. My energy levels are low, and I find myself needing a break between tasks. And I don't want you to mistake me here. I DON'T leave things undone and I DO make sure the mommy mobile gets where it needs to be. I'm just saying, I have to make myself trudge through the day and I don't want it to be that way.

Pete and I both have had a desire lately. One that seems stronger than my desire for sleep. It is to get healthy, gain energy and lose weight. I am short and petite and it seems that every pound I gain goes right straight to the behind. The older we get, the easier the weight is to gain, but the harder it is to lose so Pete and I decided it was time to jump on the bandwagon, eat better...(and here's the biggie)...exercise.

It has done great things for my energy levels. I have been getting up earlier, we have been walking 4 miles each morning and I must say I can get so much more accomplished the rest of the day, but the scales? They just don't seem to be moving.

Somebody explain to me why I can completely alter my diet (weight watchers), drink 64 ounces of WATER a day, walk 4 miles a day, and not lose weight. I mean, c'mon. If I'm going to live out of my element here, I want results, people. Is that too much to ask?

I'm thinking my scales are broken. Yeah, that's what it is. My scales are broken.

Oh woe is me. What am I doing wrong? I feel better, so I guess it hasn't all been for naught!

Last But NOT Least - Proud Moments Part IV

Wow. This post was originally planned for Friday, but as you can see, it didn't happen. My Friday was filled with an end of the year awards assembly for Little Ann, the first day of my weekend yard sale with friends, and a high school graduation in the big city for another graduate on Pete's side of our family. It was a late night. Saturday was more of the same, and Sunday...well, Sunday brought rain and who can resist a nap on a rainy Sunday? And today, I know it's Memorial Day. I pay my tribute to our soldiers...past and present.

And so now, here is my post.

Even though I'm a little behind schedule, I don't want to make light of this proud moment by any means. It is probably one of the proudest moments I have ever experienced aside from the day my Big Dan was born. It's been a little over a week since this special day, but the memory is still so fresh and lingers in my mind as I attempt to adjust to the fact that my little boy is not so little anymore.

He graduated.

My heart was just overflowing with all kinds of emotions the moment he put on this attire. I can't even explain it. I wanted to cry, but I held back tears. Mainly because I had so many people already at my house and it was hectic trying to snap photographs and get there early enough to get good seats. I couldn't grasp the moment then like I had done the night before. I sat for hours watching a slide show of my favorite photographs from days gone by. I watched it a hundred times, and I admit...I sat there feeling sorry for myself for some time, but I needed it. I was able to get most of my emotion under control before the actual ceremony.

What can I say? I love this boy so much. And I am so proud of him for what he is and more importantly what he is to become.


We had a wonderful celebration with family and friends at our home afterwards. It was a night I will always remember. I am so proud.

Look Who I Happened Upon

Do you recognize this fella? If you watch American Idol, then you know it is Conway, Arkansas native...Kris Allen. He was home this past weekend for the hometown rally and I just so happened upon him. It's quite the coincidence and I think I'll tell you about it.

Friday was a crazy day. We started out with the funeral for Pete's mamaw and then Pete and I parted ways so I could come back home and finish packing for the weekend and run Little Ann to the school to take a test. Once we met back up, we traveled on into the big city for the burial and then actually drove on further North to meet my mother in law. She had volunteered to take Little Ann with her for the Mother's Day weekend at the lake. The get together that we would miss in order to root the baseball boys on at the State Championship game held at the University of Arkansas. WHEW!!! yeah..all that and the day was only half over.

Anyway, I am an Idol fan. I've missed a lot of shows because of games, but I always try to see the performances online. I knew this was Kris' weekend to be home and as Pete and I traveled towards Fayetteville, it hit me we would be traveling through his hometown, Conway. I called the radio station to find out his schedule. Turned on the radio a few minutes later to hear my conversation with the dj on air. Gotta love that! Me and all my hick glory. Just a few more miles away and we would be arriving just as the parade would be starting.

I pleaded with Pete to let me get in on the action. He gave in although he thought I was nuts. The crowd was horrific and it was very humid and muggy. Not to mention the fact that they noted there was close to 20,000 people there.

It was so totally worth it.

After the parade, he put on a little mini concert. One things for sure...he's just as cute and sounds even better in person.


Since Pete just so happened to not have a train to catch, he let me crush a little and then we headed out to complete our mission at hand. We were traveling up the night before since the game started at 10 am on Saturday morning and we live 4 hours away.

Yes...I think Pete's wheels were turning. A hotel room, a king sized bed, no children.

...and I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

Houston, We have a Problem!

Here's ya a nice story. Today I was looking frantically through my closet for something to wear to a program Little Ann was participating in at school. I haven't had time to really get my summer things out yet, but decided I'd quickly sort through the pile and pick out a pair of capri's from last year.

Whoa.....nelly. Um...can you say T.I.G.H.T???

This can only mean one thing. No more oreo mcflurries...or bigger clothes.

Or...maybe "The 30 Day Shred"?

Or...bigger clothes.

Or...lypo.

Or...bigger clothes.

I guess I could buy a membership to the gym....or lay off the chocolate milk.

Or...just buy bigger clothes.

I refuse!
Oh Dear.

Some Mid Week "Things"...

There's been lots going on in the house of Scrapper Mom recently. Lots of things requiring my computer scrap savvy brain...such as it is. Starting over the weekend, this is what I'm talking about:

- One book report over "The Long Winter". Ready for Little Ann to audition for her part in the Accelerated Reading pageant on the 30th. We're talking 3-4 minutes that had to be memorized. Not even notecards....and complete with costume. CHECK.

She did this on Monday and I must brag. She was the only one in the class that made a perfect score and was first pick for the pageant!!

- Next up for Little Ann was the power point she had to put together for yesterday's 4-H presentation. Community Service is a good thing. CHECK.

- I've been scrap happy for the past few days because Big Dan's last 5 spreads for his Senior Scrapbook are due tomorrow. This time he had to design a cover and back for the binder. The essay was on his best childhood memory which of course would be the 500 years he's played baseball. We..correction..I spent hours sorting through old baseball pics for the accompanying collage. CHECK.

- District Tournament started this past week. All pushed back a day because of rain. I drove 5 hours yesterday (round trip) for the game which we won. We play again tonight for the Championship. And I suppose I'll be driving to watch again.

- Pete's job did change a little. Not too detrimental at the moment. As a railroader, there is so much strange lingo that it took me years to learn to comprehend. All I can say right now is he got "bumped" off the "extra board" and is now working a "regular job" which gives him pretty standard off days instead of a few hours off between trips. There. Did you get all that? I said all that to say that he has been a little stir crazy with the warm weather and off days. So much that he and Little Ann began "PROJECT TREE HOUSE". I think it's supposed to resemble "American Girl..Kit's". The first day they worked on it brought a little tumble backwards into the mud in which he thought he broke his ankle. Now Little Ann is stressed that her clumsy daddy is going to really hurt himself during this endeavor and she wants him to stop. Aw...now that's sweet. How is it that some of us get so much clumsier with age? (Love ya honey).

- The Seniors have 10 more days of school. I have hung in there. No tears yet (well, recent ones), but I know they're a comin'!! As soon as this tournament is over we are going to have to squeeze graduation invitations in somewhere between Regional and State...and I'm trying to plan the "after party".

No doubt it's been and will be a wild ride around here for a little while. Say a little prayer for us....(and my dad who is having a skin cancer removed today and sent off for biopsy).

Happy Hump Day, my friends!

La La Land

That's where I feel like I've been (and still am) for the past 48 hours. Maybe I'm writing to get a little sympathy...or not. But as boring as it may be, I'm going to share anyway.

I started having headaches at a very young age, but I don't think anybody really knew what a "migraine" was back then. As I got older into my teen years, I had them worse and worse and still battle (although medication choices are much better now). I had been to several doctors and a neurologist to try to get to the root, but no one could ever find it and just sent me home with more prescriptions.

Into college, I went through a series of allergy tests that revealed that I was allergic to practically everything and I went on food journal diets and shots to try to alleviate the headaches. Nothing seemed to change and I hate needles, so I eventually got off the shots.

Then my dentist discovered I had Temporal Mandibular Joint Syndrome (TMJ). Found out that it is very common and I had all the symptoms. My dentist made me a splint to wear at night to align my bite and it did seem to alleviate some of the stress on my jaw. Although the headaches still remain today (oh, do they ever), the TMJ has thankfully been in remission for the past 15 years or so of my life.

BUT...it seems it's back in full force. I have noticed clicking and pain on the right side of my face and even a soreness in my teeth for the last several months. The weird thing about it now is, it is affecting my neck.

My neck aches.

Terribly.

It feels like a crick that never goes away. Tender to touch and sometimes shoots a strange pain completely up the back of my head. I've taken some hydrocodone over the weekend and been on heat and today called the doctor, but I guess I'm curious. Is anybody else out there familiar with this disorder....and is neck pain common with TMJ? I've googled and found some forums that say yes, but I'd like to know if any of you have experienced this first hand.

Total Randomness

Some randomness for you...

This past week seems nothing more than a whirlwind for me now as I look back. I'm so tired as I write, I can't really even remember what the past 6 days beheld. I do know that today marks the beginning of a new week and represents the day my Lord and Savior rose from the grave. Oh how I am so thankful for that "agape" love He showed the day He died for my sins.

It seems as though I'm missing Pete more and more. He's been working so much lately. Part of our mutual total money makeover plan. I am so grateful to him for the sacrifices he has been making and appreciate the contributions, but I must admit I miss him.

You know..(in deep thought)...as much as I miss him, marriage is a hard thing. I sometimes wonder for the life of me why Pete can't understand me. He thinks I speak some foreign off the wall idiotic female language, (but it all makes perfect sense to me). When I nag, he goes outside to escape me. When I cry, he tells me to stop wallowing. When I am angry, he tells me I sound like a banshee. And when it's that week of the month...well, he tells me to talk to him again next week. It must be true what they say about men being from Mars and women from Venus. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I wish they'd offer a crash course in "listening, consoling, understanding, and apologizing" on Mars.

...and I know it's a two way street.

I can be difficult. I know this too (but I won't take credit for all of it).

Oh well, in changing the randomness, just so you know...(even misunderstood), I'm pretty sure I love him.... alot.

We played lots of baseball this week. A game on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and a mini Tournament on Saturday. It was pretty exciting and we won all of the above.

Good Friday really did turn out to be a pretty "good" day. We welcomed this new precious boy into the world....

and then Little Ann and I went to see.....

which was pretty good for a Hannah Montana movie. (shhh...don't tell anybody I said that.)

Dissatisfied

I will admit....I've got like a thousand things to do today..and tomorrow...and the next day. It's a bit overwhelming. I wouldn't even allow myself to crawl back under my warm covers after taking Little Ann to school this morning, which is a pretty normal thing for me.

No, today, is filled with "stuff". An already packed full calendar and a death in our church requiring me to take out even more time to prepare food and a song since the family asked me to sing at the services. Wow. That adds a little stress to my weary, stressed out, hormonal body this week. But in reality, maybe it's what I need to make me me feel a little better about myself...you know. Being able to serve someone other than self right now.

As I write, I am listening to the rolling thunder. Seems a storm is blowing in (which actually may cancel the ballgame this evening alleviating something from my calendar without adding the guilt).

The storm makes me consider my life at this moment.

I am a terrible Christian. I fill my life with nonsense. A snippy tongue for no apparent reason. (I am working on that one.) A lazy..it'll be there tomorrow attitude. Blogging and Facebook.. which takes up an extreme amount of my time. This alone is the biggest storm I am having to row through at this moment. I seem to be letting things go...and then wondering why I feel the pressure. And my relationship with God. You don't even want to know. I should be spending time with Him. In study....in prayer.

I'm dissatisfied..with myself. No one else. It's all me. I'm upset because I can't seem to get control. I'm upset because I allow things to go on inside myself that shouldn't go on. I'm upset because I won't even do my Sunday School lesson and I can think of every excuse why. Our Pastor says if we are going to be Christians, then we should be Christians.

God's been speaking to me...

And I've been running...

Why God? Don't you know there are so many more important things to do?

I'm such a hypocrite.

O Lord My God..
When I in Awesome Wonder.
Consider all..the works Thy hand have made.

I see the stars. I hear the rolling thunder.
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then Sings my Soul...My Savior God to Thee.
How Great Thou Art! How Great Thou Art!

Oh Heavenly Father. Please don't give up on me. Help me get through this storm. Continue these convictions that our relationship may be restored. I love you Jesus. Amen.

A Spring Break Post (in Pictures)

and maybe just a little writing...(just because I like to talk so much).

MONDAY:

Yeah, I guess it wasn't hard to figure out that we spent the entire day on Monday shopping and eating. Not a bad deal.

TUESDAY:



It took me the entire week to do all the laundry, but you can stick a fork in me...cause I'm DONE!

WEDNESDAY:






THURSDAY:


This shot doesn't reflect the "before", but notice the neatly labeled bags and tub...winter clothes, summer clothes. You know the drill...we do this twice a year, but we didn't work hard all day long. Our evening was full of pampering.....






FRIDAY:


I've tried not to talk too much, but I've just got to share captions for these next few pictures from tonight...

My handsome 1st baseman...

snagging that ball hit right to him.....He's OUT!!!


Runner headed to 2nd base....hmmmm...my handsome 1st baseman throws it to 2nd baseman..


And he's OUT!!! And yes, that would mean my handsome 1st baseman got a DOUBLE PLAY!! Go Big Dan!


All kids gone can only mean one thing. Hubby and I get a night to ourselves. Yum. I ate so much I felt like such a sinner. (You know...the gluttony thing. lol)

Hope everyone had a wonderful week...Back to work on Monday.

Catching Up....List Style

I've been reminded again lately that I've been lagging behind in the blogging department. I know. It seems that I want to blog, but by the time I settle in for the night, my brain is too tired to write anything comprehensible. And such is the case tonight, but I'm going to try to fill you in on what I've been up to by way of a list.

1. Friday I accomplished a great task. I actually paid off my van. I was ecstatic. I knew I was in close range when at the beginning of the year I numbered the pages left in the payment book, but God blessed us with a tax return in excess of the amount I still owed as pay off. It is a great feeling I tell ya. So great, that I felt the urge to detail it out, had Pete put on 4 brand new tires, do a brake job, replace a headlight...and today I had the transmission serviced. So!! I'm good for what...at least another 5 years or so, right?

2. Saturday, the Girl Scouts took a field trip to the Arkansas Historic Museum for a tour and a little hands on. I must say it was worth the $6 for the 4 hours they got. Of course, you must know, my Little Ann went in costume courtesy of my mother. I warned her everyone else would be wearing their girl scout tee shirts, but she didn't care. She looks for opportunities to be different. I guess that's a good thing...or is it? Here are a few shots from the day:

They made beautiful music.

Made sweet little corn husks dolls.

The toured homes, stuffed pillows, played with wool and even watched this lady spin.

Little Ann loved it so much, I am feeling a possible Natchez, Mississippi girl trip over Spring Break.

3. Sunday Little Ann had a relapse. She missed 2 days of school last week with tummy troubles. Keep her in your prayers for she has been having some issues and I'm not quite sure what the problem is. I have an appointment made in April with a specialist. Could be allergies, could be other. May be nothing. Just don't know.

4. Today, I made a trip into the big city with a friend. We had put clothes in a bi-yearly consignment sale, and needed to go pick up our checks. I sold everything I took except 2 pair of shoes and a tank! YEA. Now I can go buy more!

5. And last but not least, we finished the night off with baseball. Overall our team is doing excellent. We had 2 more shut downs tonight. The team we played never scored a single run. It's been a great season so far, but Big Dan has been somewhat down. He's been working so hard. Staying late for extra batting practice, and giving it his all, but it seems that during the games, he is just not hitting right now. He wants to take this to the next level SO BAD, and I just hate when he's down on himself. Mom's job is to help him keep his head up though, so I just keep encouraging him and telling him how proud of him I am. (Because I am ...no matter what he does.)

There you have my list. Happy "almost" Tuesday.